Full disclosure: I haven’t listened to Rob Zombie since junior high. But back when I did listen to Rob Zombie, I LOVED him. More specifically, I loved White Zombie and his debut solo album, Hellbilly Deluxe. I guess The Sinister Urge was decent too. Every album from thereafter seems to follow the same conventions and clichés. Sure there’s songs here and there that stand out (“Foxy Foxy”, “Sick Bubble Gum”, “Teenage Nosferatu Pussy”), but as far as a full album goes, Zombie seems to have been rehashing the same old thing since 2001. For nostalgia’s sake, I decided to break my Zombie fast on his latest album, The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy, and see if he had anything new to offer.
Sure enough, Conspiracy (there’s no way I’m typing the full title again) opens in typical Zombie fashion: a collection of ominous samples and synth noises, followed by a groove laden riff fest straight out of Hot Topic’s playlist circa the George W. Bush administration (“The Triumph of King Freak (A Crypt of Preservation and Superstition)”). Now I know these brief sample/soundscape interludes have been part of Zombie’s aesthetic since day 1, but he really goes overboard with them on this one. Out of the album’s 17 (yes, 17) tracks, 7 of them fall into this category. I know their purpose is to add some “atmosphere” or “depth”, but they just end up dragging things along, making Conspiracy a more tedious listen than it is to begin with.
Conspiracy isn’t without its shining moments. Two of these tracks may very well be added to my list of essential Rob Zombie songs in due time. I’m talking about the album’s two heaviest tracks “The Eternal Struggles of the Howling Man” and “Crow Killer Blues”. “Howling Man” is a blistering industrial thrasher that recalls the White Zombie days. If the entire album was in this vein, it’d be a contender for album of the year. I’m not joking. I love La Sexorcisto that much. Meanwhile, “Crow Killer Blues” is a different kind of heavy. It’s slow, dark, and extremely doomy. It’s Zombie plays Sabbath! “Mall doom” never sounded more convincing. Why? Because I don’t think it existed before this song.
The rest of Conspiracy is about as predictable as a McDonald’s Big Mac: It doesn’t matter where or when you order this burger. You’re bound to get the same thing every time. Cuts like “The Ballad of Sleazy Rider”, “Shadow of the Cemetery Man”, and the stupidly irresistible “Shake Your Ass-Smoke Your Grass” remind us why Zombie is still a major cultural force throughout middle America. Despite his spooky, horror themed image, his music is largely rooted in the hooky hard rock he grew up listening to in the 70s (KISS, Aerosmith, Van Halen, etc.). Throw in a large dose of camp and a tongue in cheek sense of humor and you’ve got Rob Zombie. His music was always more lighthearted and party ready than contemporary/rival Marilyn Manson, or even inspiration Alice Cooper. You see, while Manson was making music for the quiet, disenfranchised youth of America, Zombie was making the same style for the high school quarterback and his hot cheerleader girlfriend. He was the soundtrack to many a high school kegger circa 1998 to 2001. And now that that generation has grown up to have spouses and children, he’s become the soundtrack to their backyard cookouts.
Mind you, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the assessment I just made. I know I sound like I’m contradicting myself, perhaps even channeling one of the snarky hipster assholes at Rolling Stone. But there’s a difference between me and Rob Zombie’s intended audience. I’m not a 38 year old man with a wife, two kids, and a pickup truck living in Kankakee, Illinois. I’m a 22 year old metalhead with higher expectations for my favorite artists than most, especially knowing what they’ve been capable of in the past. The next time Rob Zombie releases a new album, I’m sure you can tag this review to it as it’ll likely follow the same tired formula as this and nearly all his other past efforts.
4 out of 10
Label: Nuclear Blast
Genre: Industrial Metal
For fans of: White Zombie, Ministry, Black Sabbath