‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas and all through the house, every creature was stirring. Mom was finishing up wrapping gifts for long distance acquaintances, little brother was playing his new PS5, and I, in my Icon shirt (“Under My Gun” anyone?), typed away at this week’s Top 10. If you’re as sick of hearing Mariah Carey as I am, here’s 10 Yuletide metal classics to knock the socks off your poser relatives at Christmas dinner.
10. Halford – “We Three Kings”
I vividly remember when Winter Songs came out. It was right when I was starting to get REALLY into Judas Priest and it got a lot of hate. And while it’s not an album I return to frequently, how can you go wrong with a bunch of Christmas carols getting the Priest treatment? This has always been my favorite on the album because of the ridiculous guitar duel between Roy Z and Metal Mike Chlasciak. What can I say? At the age of 10, I was captivated by the likes of Satriani, Vai, and Malmsteen, so throw any shredfests my way and I’d eat it up for breakfast!
9. Venom – “Black Xmas”
Not many were keeping up with Venom by 1987. If you were, you’ll remember this wicked Christmas ditty which kicks off their much maligned fifth album, Calm Before the Storm. Of course the godfathers of black metal would have a song entitled “Black Xmas”. Would you expect anything less of Cronos, Abaddon, and whoever the hell else made up Venom at the time?
8. 220 Volt – “Heavy Christmas”
Ah yes, 220 Volt: The poor man’s Europe. All kidding aside, these melodic Swedes hold a couple spots in my record collection. They’re one of those bands whose demos and debut 7 inch (“Prisoner of War” / “Sauron”) are considered the best thing they ever did. The rest of their catalog is a steady decline, but at least we got this classic on the way down. “Heavy Christmas to you” indeed!
7. Macabre – “Holidays of Horror”
The Christmas killing spree of Ronald Gene Simmons’ own family was the inspiration behind the quintessential death metal Christmas carol, Macabre’s “Holidays of Horror”. The song eventually took on a life of its own and Macabre began hosting their own annual Christmas show named after it. I’m not sure what year this would’ve been, but I know they’ve been doing it for well over 20 years. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas in Chicago without Holidays of Horror. Perhaps next year we’ll be treated to a headlining set of murder metal and a slew of suspicious gifts from Santa Dave (if you know, you know).
6. The Greedies – “A Merry Jingle”
You may be asking yourself, “Who on earth are The Greedies?” They’re none other than two of the most groundbreaking acts of the late 70s, Thin Lizzy and Sex Pistols! “A Merry Jingle” saw these rock n’ roll titans unite for 3 minutes of loud, raucous, guitar driven, holiday fun. It’s so simple and catchy, we wish the boys had managed to record an entire Christmas album. One can dream.
5. Twisted Sister – “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
A Twisted Christmas should not have worked as well as it did. After a questionable rerecording of Stay Hungry, was a Christmas album really going to be the death of our favorite heavy metal drag queens? Apparently not. It turns out traditional Christmas songs sound even better when played in the Under the Blade/You Can’t Stop Rock ‘n’ Roll vein. Consider our #5 to be Exhibit A.
4. AC/DC – “Mistress for Christmas”
You know, radio has no problem playing the same select handful of AC/DC songs on repeat, day in and day out. Why the hell do they never play “Mistress for Christmas” around Christmastime? Maybe it’ll take a holiday themed Iron Man movie or Fortnite event for this to earn its way into radio rotation. Its already earned its way into our hearts and this week’s list, and that’s all that matters. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the day.”
3. Savatage – “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)”
Christmas has become big business for Savatage. How big? Try a multi-billion dollar industry. The seeds of what would become Trans-Siberian Orchestra were planted on their ninth album, Dead Winter Dead (1995). In the 25 years since its release, “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)” has gone on to become the third best selling Christmas single of the Nielsen SoundScan era, behind only Frozen‘s “Do You Want to Build a Snow Man?” *shudders* and Mariah Carey’s…well, you know the song. Talk about bringing metal to the masses!
2. King Diamond – “No Presents for Christmas”
You must be shocked not to see “No Presents for Christmas” at #1. King Diamond’s debut single has become as synonymous with Christmas as “Halloween” has become synonymous with, you guessed it, Halloween. But as it turns out, there is one better than the King’s dream of a “white sabbath”…
- Ronnie James Dio and Tony Iommi – “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”
Ever wondered what it would sound like if the greatest metal band of all time tried their hand at Christmas music? Bob Kulick did. That’s why he commissioned half of Black Sabbath to record a version of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” for his 2008 compilation album, We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year. Everything about this song is perfection. Between Dio’s immaculate pipes and Iommi’s “Hand of Doom”, dealing in only the heaviest of heavy riffs, you’d think it was a Sabbath original.
From all of us here at Defenders of the Faith, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy and Healthy New Year. Stay strong and hold on tight to your holiday cheer. You’re going to need it as we jump into 2021.