I really wondered how I was going to approach this. In the weeks and months to come, you’ll read the same copy and paste obituaries about how Eddie Van Halen was “the greatest”, and rightfully so. This is a man who didn’t just change the game. He destroyed it and rebuilt it from the ground up. But the question still remains: What made Eddie Van Halen “the greatest”? The answer lies within the music. It’s the no nonsense riffs and face melting solos that answer this question better than any self proclaimed “music journalist” ever could. Yet I’m going to attempt my best to combine both facets with the debut of this new weekly feature, Top 10. The subject of today’s pilot episode: The mighty Van Halen. Without further ado, here are my Top 10 Van Halen songs. Rest in power King Edward.
10. “Dreams”
“Whaaaaattt? A Van Hagar song???” That’s right folks. For most cut from the heavy metal cloth, the arrival of one Mr. Samuel Roy Hagar into the VH fold was the death knell. I stupidly jumped to this conclusion as well (while remaining an ardent fan of both Montrose and Hagar’s early solo career). As I got older, I revisited those Van Hagar albums and can wholeheartedly tell you 5150 is now one of my favorite entries in the VH catalog. There’s so many cuts off 5150 that could’ve made this list: the grand introduction of “Good Enough” (“Helloooooo baaaabyyyy!!!”), the speed metal insanity of “Get Up”, and even the delicate power ballad that is “Love Walks In” (aliens, dude). However, for number 10, I’m going with “Dreams”. With Foreigner mastermind Mick Jones behind the mixing boards, this was an arena rock match made in heaven. Sure, the synths dominate, but don’t tell me they’re any more wimpy than “Jump” *shudders*. Most bands of this era would sell their souls to write a song this brilliant. For VH, it was just another day’s work.
9. “Romeo Delight”
Some songs were written with a live audience in mind. Take Queen’s “We Will Rock You”. Or Judas Priest’s “Take on the World”. Or KISS’s “Rock and Roll All Nite”. It seemed every great band of this era had the obligatory crowd pleaser. For VH, it was “Romeo Delight”. Right off the bat, we’re pummeled by the twin attack of Alex’s hard hitting drums and Eddie’s equally hard hitting riff. Diamond Dave’s proclamation of “We’re in for a very long night!” would result in mass hysteria, from the floor to the nosebleeds. Nowadays, “Romeo Delight” serves as a quaint memory of the days before the arena rock concert became corrupted by corporate greed. If you turn it up loud enough, you can taste the cheap beer, smell the weed, and hear the M-80s being chucked off the rafters.
8. “Judgement Day”
The second and final Hagar entry on this list also happens to be one of VH’s heaviest. I don’t get why people say Hagar “ruined” VH. In between the radio friendly fluff, mass produced and polished for public consumption, were ultra heavy nuggets such as “Judgement Day”. With Pantera emerging from the underground, and the Black Album a few short months away, “Judgement Day” was a sign of the times. It, and For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge as a whole, reflected the state of mainstream metal in 1991: Thriving, relevant, and rougher than ever before. Who would’ve expected the rude Seattle awakening that would come the following year?
7. “Mean Street”
As the ominous intro tapping to “Mean Street” faded in, one could detect a band shifting gears. No longer were they the Pasadena party boys who delivered such carefree kegger classics as “Everybody Wants Some!!” and “Beautiful Girls”. No, this new VH was brooding, pissed off, and suffering from a severe case of manic depression. This, coupled with crippling drug addictions and artistic differences, resulted in their heaviest album, Fair Warning. “Mean Street” opens this masterpiece in misery with lyrics chronicling the brutalities of street life (“See a gun is real easy in this desperate part of town.”) and a lead riff that’s so ugly…yet so funky. Only the mighty VH could pull off such drastic musical juxtaposition.
6. “Dirty Movies”
“Girls, Girls, Girls”? Yeah, right. Move over Mötley Crüe. Leave it to the original kings of California sleaze to delve into the sordid world of X rated exploits. On the surface, this is a sexy sounding song about…sex. But listen closely and it tells a tale of despair, much like the other tracks on Fair Warning. Diamond Dave’s blurting of “Hey, you remember when that girl was prom queen?” can be taken as both a sly question from one bro to another, as well as a disapproving lament. Although knowing Dave’s character, we can likely assume the former. “Lights…camera…ACTION!”
5. “And the Cradle Will Rock…”
While VH may have been in good spirits recording Women and Children First, the storm that would become Fair Warning was most certainly brewing. Look no further than Women’s lead off track and biggest single, “And the Cradle Will Rock…”. Here we have a hard and heavy rocking tale of a wayward youth who has traded school for the streets. It’s a musical reflection of the time it was written (“Well they say it’s kinda frightening how this younger generation swings. You know it’s more than just a new sensation.”). Quite frankly, today’s generation of mollycoddled, Fortnite playing minions would not only not survive on the streets, but lack the basic free will present in past generations to make such a drastic decision. That’s what AI is for. “Have you seen junior’s grades?”
4. “Runnin’ with the Devil”
Somewhere after receiving The Rolling Stones’ sympathies, but before losing a fiddle battle to Charlie Daniels, the devil went runnin’ through southern California. He was joined by a pair of immigrant brother virtuosos, a sturdy bassist, and a frontman who could only be described as a golden god. And with the sound of a truck horn descending into the netherworld, a legend was born. No other band, before or after, had lived at such a pace…”a pace that kills”. I’m convinced no band ever will…at least not in my lifetime.
3. “Atomic Punk”
There are some pretty heavy moments throughout the first VH album. “I’m the One” is a clinic in double bass drumming and “Ain’t Talkin’ ’bout Love” boasts a riff that’d make even the most cold blooded, no fun curmudgeon scowl in approval. But it’s “Atomic Punk”, in all its radioactive, post-apocalyptic glory that takes the cake for thee heaviest song off VH’s debut. “Atomic Punk” is a textbook example of VH completely disregarding the textbook. With blasts of molten mayhem such as this, it’s no wonder they single handedly bookended the Ozzy era of Black Sabbath. The poor Brummies didn’t stand a chance against this mean, lean, American metal machine.
2. “D.O.A.”
This song could’ve been titled “*Tours with Black Sabbath once*” and been just as effective. It’s no secret that Eddie idolized Tony Iommi. He looked up to him the same way he looked up to his older brother Alex. Despite getting their tired asses handed to them nightly, Sabbath were good sports and became close mates with VH. If “D.O.A.” emphasizes anything, it’s geographical differences. This is what Sabbath’s signature brand of doom would’ve sounded like if it was baked in the California sun as opposed to the noxious fumes of Birmingham steel factories. Surprisingly, it’s not bad! It’s so not bad that it’s my second favorite VH song of all time.
- “Light Up the Sky”
And here we are. The cream of the crop. “Light Up the Sky” is the coalescing of everything that made VH masters of their craft in a quick, 3 minute blast of sound. Eddie brutalizes our ear drums with a proto-thrash riff and hectic guitar solo. Alex beats the drums like the owe him money. Dave’s vocal delivery borders on spoken word, but with unforgiving attitude. And Michael’s angelic pipes shine like a star from the heavens above. Forget the Dave vs. Sammy debate. It’s Mikey who’s the true voice of VH. A brief Latin flavored section serves as a break, before we return head first into the cacophony that introduced the song.
Somewhere in the great beyond, as I type this, Eddie Van Halen is lighting up the sky. We may not recognize him anymore, but that’s beside the point. He’s now looking down upon the earth, Frankenstrat in hands, grinning ear to ear as always, and most importantly, free of pain. That leaves us, the fans, with one job: “Rock on. ROCK ON!”
Well spoken, brother.