Ozzy Osbourne – Patient Number 9

Ozzy Osbourne’s output for the past 25 years has been, in a word, depressing. While Ozzmosis (1995) has since gone down as a modern metal classic, every release since has been one lackluster, half-assed collection of generic radio rock songs after the next. And in the 2 and a half years since the release of Ordinary Man, I regret even giving that album a 5. Sure, there were shades of Sabbath throughout, but by and large, Ozzy’s “finest hour since Ozzmosis” was nothing more than a Post Malone album with his vocals copy and pasted on top.

The glaring mediocrity of Ozzy’s 21st century output only becomes more apparent on his latest outing, Patient Number 9, which against all odds is a rock solid outing with very few low points throughout. I know. I can’t believe I’m saying that about an Ozzy Osbourne album in 2022. Does it come close to the brilliance of Blizzard of Ozz or Diary of a Madman or Bark at the Moon and so forth? No, but it sure owes more to Ozzy’s classic catalog than any release since…well, since he initially created his classic catalog! Enjoyable as Ozzmosis is from time to time (no pun intended), there’s nothing on there that channels the glory days of the 70s and 80s, which was the whole purpose: Let’s reinvent Ozzy for the nu metal suburbanite generation.

Well that generation came and went, now parents themselves of a crop who’s more concerned with Soundcloud rappers than any music remotely resembling rock, let alone metal. So with virtually nothing to lose (The guy is 73.), Osbourne and his army of writers, producers, and hired guns set out to make an album that throws things back roughly 4 to 5 decades. Sure the production remains sterile and processed as ever, but when Sony’s handling the final product, what can you expect? Sonic qualms aside, what Patient Number 9 has going for it is some of the freshest and invigorating songwriting one has heard on an Ozzy album in ages.

A true “Ozzy and Friends” affair, Patient Number 9 is emboldened by a broad cast of characters, each contributing their own flavor to this metal melee. Sabbath co-conspirator Tony Iommi reunites with the Ozzman for the bluesy “Degradation Rules” and the bleak doom-ridden “No Escape From Now”, the latter of which eclipses anything on Sabbath’s last studio album, 13. Veteran guitarist Jeff Beck adds his own flavor of tremolo driven chaos on the trippy opening title track and “A Thousand Shades”: A ballad that wouldn’t sound out of place on Ozzmosis with its layered vocals, vast production, and symphonic undertones. And Eric Clapton takes us back to the hazy, fuzz-driven days of Cream with a stellar performance on “One of Those Days”, another Ozzmosis derived cut.

Also joining Ozzy for this outing is longtime guitarist Zakk Wylde. Although Zakk rejoined Ozzy’s touring outfit in 2017, this is first time appearing on an album since 2007’s Black Rain (If you don’t recall it, you’re not alone.) The handful of songs he plays on are largely give or take. “Parasite” comes off as a 2000s Warped Tour band attempting metal (i.e. Sum 41), but poorly. “Nothing Feels Right” is Ozzmosis inspired ballad #…I’ve lost count, and “Evil Shuffle” boasts some gnarly groove riffs. That said, I cannot stress enough the excellence of my choice cut, “Mr. Darkness”.

Despite being credited to Ozzy, producer Andrew Watt, hitmaker Ali Tamposi, Metallica bassist Robert Trujillo, and late Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins (Am I forgetting anyone?), I refuse to believe “Mr. Darkness” was written by anyone other than the mad genius behind Ozzy’s finest albums, Bob Daisley. This epic metal ballad boasts all the songwriting, musical, and atmospheric hallmarks of Diary and Bark. I do not type this lightly. Those albums are sacred to me, and while there’s no shortage of traditional metal revivalists attempting their hand at that sound, there’s only one Madman; God bless his wretched soul.

Like a musical glass of Listerine, Patient Number 9 washes away roughly 25 years of dreck from metal’s first frontman. Old school fans will be pleasantly surprised by the musical return to form, and new school fans will be in awe of Osbourne’s dedication this far into his career. I can only hope, in the event Osbourne musters up the strength to do a follow-up album, that his board of advisors and missus take a hint: In the battle between retro and modern, retro reigns supreme. Let’s just hope said hypothetical follow-up features a songwriting/musical appearance from Jake E. Lee. What? Too unrealistic of an expectation much?

7 out of 10

Label: Sony Music

Genre: Heavy Metal

For fans of: Black Sabbath, Sumerlands, Black Label Society