Top 10: Twisted Sister Songs

The early 80s were arguably the best time in recorded history to be a teenage metalhead. The dark imagery and shocking stage antics of Iron Maiden and Ozzy Osbourne struck terror in the hearts of many concerned parents, and that was just in the mainstream. Lurking underground were Venom and Mercyful Fate, raising hell with their odes to the dark one. Lest we forget the homoerotic lyricism and imagery of Accept (ironically) and Judas Priest (unironically)? In the thick of it all were 5 genderbending comic book characters come to life: Twisted Fucking Sister. As campy as they’re perceived by today’s standards, the sight of a 6 foot something, long curly haired, heavy metal drag queen was enough to cause a federal case…literally. In that undying American spirit of sticking it to the man (or in their case, a wannabe politician woman), this week’s Top 10 pays tribute to TS and their 10 finest songs (according to us). Don’t like it? “Drop down and give me 20!”

10. “Stay Hungry”

Kicking off our list at #10 is the brain battering title track to Twisted Sister’s third album and commercial breakthrough, Stay Hungry. For those who dismiss TS as mere gimmickry (usually braindead hipsters that are “too cool” for any metal that isn’t pre-approved by Pitchfork), I dare you to listen to “Stay Hungry” and NOT headbang. The lyrics are triumphant, the guitar work is vicious, and A.J. Pero (R.I.P.) absolutely goes off on the double bass, holding down the fort with what can best be described as a westernized d-beat. Only a band who was hungry for success could write a song as honest and brilliant as “Stay Hungry”, period.

9. “Don’t Let Me Down”

In the annals of metal history, “Don’t Let Me Down” is what us amateur historians like to call a “deep track”. That said, it shouldn’t be. Sure Stay Hungry scored three hit singles in the ridiculously anthemic “We’re Not Gonna Take It” and “I Wanna Rock”, as well as a power ballad we’ll touch on later, but this could’ve easily been hit single number four. “Don’t Let Me Down” is fast and heavy, but ultra melodic with a slick singalong chorus. It actually sounds closer to Dokken or more radio oriented fare, proving that TS were more dynamic than they appeared.

8. “The Kids Are Back”

There are some songs where the nostalgia surrounding it outweighs the song itself. This isn’t to say “The Kids Are Back” isn’t an amazing song. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t be on here. But this is most certainly the case for me. Back in the summer of 2012, this was me and my gang of 7th grade ragamuffins’ ANTHEM. We used to ride around on our bikes, all day, all night. With a handlebar in one hand and iPod touch in the other, I’d crank the volume all the way up (this was pre-portable Bluetooth speakers, kids) and sing along to this with my buddies, in between the likes of KISS, Van Halen, Metallica, and so on. Granted, I’m sure its use as the theme song to Jackass 3D (a favorite flick of ours) played a big role in us co-opting it as our anthem.

7. “Destroyer”

When people think of Twisted Sister, they think of colorful costumes, horrific makeup, and MTV. One thing they don’t think of is doom metal. Yet for one song on their 1982 debut, Under the Blade, TS went into full blown Sabbath mode. “Destroyer” is a slow, lumbering, knuckle dragging beast that would make even the heaviest bands of the era cower in fear. When Dee Snider says, “He’s gonna kick your ass.”, you believe it! I just can’t help but wonder what could’ve been had TS released an entire album of songs in this vein, or better yet, fully embarked upon a career of it. They’d be doom overlords on the level of Saint Vitus and Pentagram!

6. “Under the Blade”

The meaning of “Under the Blade” varies depending on who you ask. Ask Tipper Gore and she’ll say it’s a sadomasochistic sex fantasy. Ask Dee Snider, the man who wrote it, and he’ll say it’s about guitarist Eddie Ojeda’s wisdom tooth surgery. Despite actually being about the latter, it’s more fun to believe the former. Fast, vicious, and rawer than a slab of meat Blackie Lawless would throw into a crowd of maniacs circa 1984, “Under the Blade” made sense to be the title track for TS’s debut full length. Its writing actually dates back to 1979. Could you imagine hearing this in a seedy New York club amidst a haze of punk and disco? I couldn’t! My mind might have actually exploded.

5. “The Price”

For whatever reason or another, ballads were all the rage in the 80s. The charts seemed to be a never ending battle between adult contemporary crooners, AOR giants, and even the most mainstream of metal bands to see who could sellout hardest and fastest. Amongst this sea of sap, every now and then would come a ballad boasting passion, emotion, and most importantly, power. One such ballad was “The Price”. This ode to life on the road (which would become a regular trope of pop metal come the latter half of the 80s) is utterly flawless. Snider delivers one of the finest vocal performances of his career, while the band unleashes a tidal wave of melodic ardor.

4. “Shoot ‘Em Down”

It’s funny how sometimes the most simple songs can be the hardest hitting. Take for example “Shoot ‘Em Down”. With its bawdy lyrics, muscular riffing, and a power pop-esque bridge, it’s the best UFO song never made. Ironically enough, UFO bassist Pete Way handled the production on TS’s Under the Blade. I can’t help but imagine him sitting behind the mixing board, headbanging in approval as the band blazed through this one, flashbacks of those early Force It days playing in his head. If “Shoot ‘Em Down” doesn’t immediately put a smile on your face, you just might be dead.

3. “Tear It Loose”

If “Shoot ‘Em Down” is the best UFO song never made, then “Tear It Loose” is the best Motörhead song never made. And just as there is the UFO connection with “Shoot ‘Em Down”, there is Motörhead connection with “Tear It Loose”, as guitarist “Fast” Eddie Clarke tears it loose with a rip roaring guitar solo. Around the time of Under the Blade‘s recording, Way and Clarke were putting together a new supergroup, Fastway. They must’ve found it fun to help out the up and coming TS along the way! I wonder what Lemmy’s, an early supporter of TS, thoughts were about this song.

2. “What You Don’t Know”

“GOOD EVENING! Welcome to our show…” Unfortunately, I never got to see Twisted Sister live. The band spent the better part of the 21st century playing the euro fest circuit. The closest they did play to Chicago in the early 2010s was a now defunct festival 3 hours north in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Real convenient for a 7th grader with no money and no ride. Anyways, every time I’d drop the needle on my copy of Under the Blade, I’d close my eyes and imagine them opening with this one to an absolutely rabid audience. Unlikely as it seems, maybe one day TS will play again, and indeed open with “What You Don’t Know”. Hey, a selfish fan can dream!

1. “Burn in Hell”

The first time I heard “Burn in Hell”, way back in middle school, I was terrified, yet captivated. It was the same feeling I felt a couple years earlier hearing Black Sabbath’s “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” for the first time, and one that I’d feel again a year or so later hearing Mercyful Fate’s “The Oath” for the first time. I was hooked. Despite the sinister title and music, “Burn in Hell” is actually a cautionary tale. “It’s up to you, what you do will decide your own fate. Make your choice now for tomorrow may be far too late. AND THEN YOU’LL BURN IN HELL.” Unintentional Christian metal? Perhaps! Intentionally kickass and the greatest Twisted Sister song? You better believe it!